Despite the comparisons, judgments, lack of encouraging words and "advice" I have received since being a mother I have always known that what I'm doing is right. And, by right, I mean what is right for me and my family. In fact, I take deep pride in my family and how we are living our lives. I would also like to think that others share that pride even though we don't share the same values.
It seems to me, from reading articles, blogs, talking to others, that there are groups of mothers who think that what they are doing is the only way and somewhat above others. Whether it be breastfeeding, going to church, feeding their children a vegetarian diet or strict discipline, that this is how it "should" be for everyone. I wonder how much they may be missing out on by not spending time with mothers who don't do things their way.
Through my experience in starting a mother co-op I have been so thrilled to learn things about others. It's not necessarily they way they are raising their children but simply the people that they are. Yes, we have looked to each other for advice and help on solving a problem. However, it is met with a sense of guidance instead of judgment. I think moms need to sometimes step back when it comes to handing out their two cents. When someone is sharing a story about their child it doesn't open the door for how you would do it. Women like to talk and sometimes all we are looking for a a listening ear.
My wish for mothers is that we can lean on each other for support, share our best and worst without judgment, truly lend a helping hand when another is struggling and to not compare and contrast our lives or our children.
7.07.2011
6.16.2011
Traveling with children
After careful consideration, our family decided to hit the road this summer for a trip that would take 18 hours both ways. Last year we drove to Colorado, which was 14 hours; however, my son was six months old and I knew he would sleep most of the way. We also drove through the night, and after my mom and husband nearly fell asleep at the wheel I decided it was going to be day driving this summer. However, now my daughter was 4 and going through a "whiny" stage and my son is non-stop climbing, falling, eating and pooping 18 month old. I must admit that I was a little worried, yet, I'm happy to say that we all survived.
I have always loved a good road trip. It's thrilling for me to pack the bags even though they will soon be dirty laundry, buy snacks that will only be eaten, organize the entertainment only to be disheveled and hit the road. I always scour the internet in search of ideas to keep the kids happy, but when it came down to it I realized I knew them best and followed my instincts. For my daughter I packed two coloring books and a plastic cup with crayons to fit in her cup holder, a magnetic dress-up doll, Leap Frog tag and books and a Look and Find book. For my son we brought his truck book, magnetic shapes, a mini Magna Doodle and a coloring book. I also purchased some inexpensive clip boards for each of them to hold their coloring sheets in place--fabulous! My mom and I had gone in on a travel DVD player so we brought that along with some classic DVD's. And much to my surprise they hardly watched the movies. They did excellent on their first real road trip. A little fuss here and there but overall we were proud parents. And, when things did get a little hairy, we turned on some fun music and they had a little dance party in their car seats....very cute!
The snack bag was also packed for a small army. My husband and I took a trip to Trader Joe's (alone) and bought juice boxes (which if you don't want them to squirt all over the place stick the box in a plastic cup), popcorn with olive oil and salt, sesame sticks, trail mix, cookies, snack mix, crackers and the trusty fruit snacks in case all else failed. I felt like these were healthy and filling and they loved all of them. The first day I also brought a picnic lunch in a cooler. Sunflower seed butter and jelly sandwiches, Trader Joe's version of Cheetos, grapes and carrots. As lunch time was approaching we conveniently were heading into St. Louis. My husband and I thought we might as well stop and see the arch. We had a picnic in the park surrounding it and it was really a lot of fun. The kids were able to run around and soak in the views.
Surviving a road trip really wasn't as hard as I thought. My worries were useless, as always. It's now encouraging for me to know that we can take our kids places. Some of my favorite vacations were road trips and this has been moved to the top of my list. Despite a semi nearly crushing our car on the way home the trip was perfect.
I have always loved a good road trip. It's thrilling for me to pack the bags even though they will soon be dirty laundry, buy snacks that will only be eaten, organize the entertainment only to be disheveled and hit the road. I always scour the internet in search of ideas to keep the kids happy, but when it came down to it I realized I knew them best and followed my instincts. For my daughter I packed two coloring books and a plastic cup with crayons to fit in her cup holder, a magnetic dress-up doll, Leap Frog tag and books and a Look and Find book. For my son we brought his truck book, magnetic shapes, a mini Magna Doodle and a coloring book. I also purchased some inexpensive clip boards for each of them to hold their coloring sheets in place--fabulous! My mom and I had gone in on a travel DVD player so we brought that along with some classic DVD's. And much to my surprise they hardly watched the movies. They did excellent on their first real road trip. A little fuss here and there but overall we were proud parents. And, when things did get a little hairy, we turned on some fun music and they had a little dance party in their car seats....very cute!
The snack bag was also packed for a small army. My husband and I took a trip to Trader Joe's (alone) and bought juice boxes (which if you don't want them to squirt all over the place stick the box in a plastic cup), popcorn with olive oil and salt, sesame sticks, trail mix, cookies, snack mix, crackers and the trusty fruit snacks in case all else failed. I felt like these were healthy and filling and they loved all of them. The first day I also brought a picnic lunch in a cooler. Sunflower seed butter and jelly sandwiches, Trader Joe's version of Cheetos, grapes and carrots. As lunch time was approaching we conveniently were heading into St. Louis. My husband and I thought we might as well stop and see the arch. We had a picnic in the park surrounding it and it was really a lot of fun. The kids were able to run around and soak in the views.
Surviving a road trip really wasn't as hard as I thought. My worries were useless, as always. It's now encouraging for me to know that we can take our kids places. Some of my favorite vacations were road trips and this has been moved to the top of my list. Despite a semi nearly crushing our car on the way home the trip was perfect.
5.23.2011
Food Crusade
In recent years I have become more familiar with where my food comes from, what I put in my body, how to grow my own food and now I'm going to tackle the processed food in my home. I'm going to attempt (with my husband's help) clearing out a lot of the processed food in my home. With the love I'm going to put into my garden, I hope it returns it with plenty of tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers and berries. All of these fruits will help me in my personal challenge.
I have never canned anything in my life and I must admit it's a bit scary. I'm afraid of mold and something not being sanitary enough. However, if I want to make my own sauces, salsas and jam I must get over my fear. The initial plan will be: to make enough pasta sauce to get me through a year...I'm guessing 26 jars, make 3 different kinds of salsa (traditional, black bean/corn, roasted tomato), make freezer jam, pickle my hot peppers (jalapeno, banana and habenero). I thought this would be a "Mission Accomplished!" moment when all of my tomato and pepper seeds did so well under grow lights in our basement. We were shocked how well everything did, that I was even able to give plenty of plants to friends, family and a community garden. Yet, after transplanting I lost nearly all the peppers and three of the nine tomato plants. I still have more set aside that I can plant but I was bummed...oh well more are on the way from Seed Savers!
Although these canned goods won't solve my processed food problem, it will prevent me from buying canned tomatoes with BPA lining. The other food that I will try to take on this summer: homemade bread (freezing baked loaves and keeping artisan bread dough in my fridge to bake when needed), tortillas (they must be easy since a local Mexican restaurant has a woman making them in the window), granola (YUM!), pancakes to freeze (I've read you can freeze the batter too) and tortilla chips (if the tortillas pan out). There is still some research to do on all of these and other things I would like to make.
Since my family is vegan there really isn't a whole lot of processed food. A typical grocery list consists of vegetables, fruit, beans, bread, pasta, salsa, chips, almond milk and juice. However, I still feel the need to venture out this summer. I'm unemployed and my husband has the summers off, so it looks like we will have time on our hands. Hopefully I can interest some friends in joining a canning party or preserve swap...mmmm!
I have never canned anything in my life and I must admit it's a bit scary. I'm afraid of mold and something not being sanitary enough. However, if I want to make my own sauces, salsas and jam I must get over my fear. The initial plan will be: to make enough pasta sauce to get me through a year...I'm guessing 26 jars, make 3 different kinds of salsa (traditional, black bean/corn, roasted tomato), make freezer jam, pickle my hot peppers (jalapeno, banana and habenero). I thought this would be a "Mission Accomplished!" moment when all of my tomato and pepper seeds did so well under grow lights in our basement. We were shocked how well everything did, that I was even able to give plenty of plants to friends, family and a community garden. Yet, after transplanting I lost nearly all the peppers and three of the nine tomato plants. I still have more set aside that I can plant but I was bummed...oh well more are on the way from Seed Savers!
Although these canned goods won't solve my processed food problem, it will prevent me from buying canned tomatoes with BPA lining. The other food that I will try to take on this summer: homemade bread (freezing baked loaves and keeping artisan bread dough in my fridge to bake when needed), tortillas (they must be easy since a local Mexican restaurant has a woman making them in the window), granola (YUM!), pancakes to freeze (I've read you can freeze the batter too) and tortilla chips (if the tortillas pan out). There is still some research to do on all of these and other things I would like to make.
Since my family is vegan there really isn't a whole lot of processed food. A typical grocery list consists of vegetables, fruit, beans, bread, pasta, salsa, chips, almond milk and juice. However, I still feel the need to venture out this summer. I'm unemployed and my husband has the summers off, so it looks like we will have time on our hands. Hopefully I can interest some friends in joining a canning party or preserve swap...mmmm!
4.28.2011
Giddy for Gardening
I cannot stop dreaming about my garden. It has taken over my other crazy dream for the last week and I'm seeing tons of bright carrots, pink buds turning into white flowers, lettuce popping out of the ground and delicate columbines. Part of the reason I'm dreaming about this new life is because it has literally taken over my awake life. My husband and I have spent every possible hour outside--digging, tilling, mulching, sowing seeds, edging and after six years in our home we are finally laying down a patio. Boring to some, but thrilling to me!
All of these moments are leading to visions of a beautiful retreat in my very own backyard this summer. I don't even want to go on our vacation in June. Usually I'm counting down the days but I know that the best fertilizer for a garden is the gardener's shadow. I want to be here to watch every step of my plants' life. As silly as that may sound I feel like I have a deeper appreciation, a unity, to my garden. I have thoroughly enjoyed watching my pussy willow bush transform over the last few weeks...beautiful...the Bradford pear tree go from little buds to tiny flowers, my hostas peaking out of the ground to leafs unfolding and trees that were just planted last year making it through a rough winter to enjoy the warm.
It's quite stunning to watch nature work so effortlessly and really work magic. It's harmonious, enchanting and hard to belief that every spring life understands the routine.
I'm also excited to transplant all of our plants that we grew indoors. This year we bought all organic, heirloom seeds and started them in our basement. We grew Beefsteak, Brandywine and cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, kale, jalapenos, green peppers and even some flowers. They look great and this weekend I'm planting them outside. The kids have had fun and we even had enough success that I am able to share with friends and family, and donate some to a community garden in the area. I never in a million years thought I would have a green thumb!
It's quite stunning to watch nature work so effortlessly and really work magic. It's harmonious, enchanting and hard to belief that every spring life understands the routine.
3.31.2011
Crisis?! I don't think so.
I read an article this morning that was perturbing to say the least. It was about women and their mid-life crisis. The article stated that women are experiencing their mid-life crisis between the ages of 35-44. First of all, for women 35 is not mid life. Secondly, you would have thought this article was written by a man. It was completely ignorant and demeaning to women.
We all know what a man does when he enters his mid-life crisis. He buys a fast red car. He finds a somewhat hot female to replace his wife. He forgets about his children until they are out of college, and much to his surprise by that time they don't care if he exists anymore. Whoa, whoa...wait! This stereotype is also ignorant and demeaning to men. Yes, they may get a little sour at the prospect of turning fifty and what lies ahead for them. Do you blame them? Their wife is going through menopause, the children are actually going to start using those wings they were given and retirement is in the near future which is interpreted to boredom by most men. The truth is that all men go through their ups and downs as women do. Maybe we should start being more sensitive to that. Then maybe they can go through this crisis with us when we are 35!
Yes, the 30's have entered my life and in no way do I feel a crisis around the corner. My life may be simpler than others but I still have rendered meaning and perspective. The article I read summoned women to having a crisis for trying to find meaning, taking a sabbatical, feeling restless and worthlessness, boredom and that time is running out. Why should we be punished for these feelings? Everyone tackles at least one of these feelings at one time or another. They foster growth. And if the blinders are on it can lead to depression or loneliness. Women need accept these feelings and by nature we should share them. I wish that for everyone, both men and women, we could start telling the truth, not half-truths. We should not be labeled with having a crisis for trying to discover ourselves. The discovery and journey through this life only happens once. Treat it as a gift. Let it grow. Feel love wherever it exists.
We all know what a man does when he enters his mid-life crisis. He buys a fast red car. He finds a somewhat hot female to replace his wife. He forgets about his children until they are out of college, and much to his surprise by that time they don't care if he exists anymore. Whoa, whoa...wait! This stereotype is also ignorant and demeaning to men. Yes, they may get a little sour at the prospect of turning fifty and what lies ahead for them. Do you blame them? Their wife is going through menopause, the children are actually going to start using those wings they were given and retirement is in the near future which is interpreted to boredom by most men. The truth is that all men go through their ups and downs as women do. Maybe we should start being more sensitive to that. Then maybe they can go through this crisis with us when we are 35!
Yes, the 30's have entered my life and in no way do I feel a crisis around the corner. My life may be simpler than others but I still have rendered meaning and perspective. The article I read summoned women to having a crisis for trying to find meaning, taking a sabbatical, feeling restless and worthlessness, boredom and that time is running out. Why should we be punished for these feelings? Everyone tackles at least one of these feelings at one time or another. They foster growth. And if the blinders are on it can lead to depression or loneliness. Women need accept these feelings and by nature we should share them. I wish that for everyone, both men and women, we could start telling the truth, not half-truths. We should not be labeled with having a crisis for trying to discover ourselves. The discovery and journey through this life only happens once. Treat it as a gift. Let it grow. Feel love wherever it exists.
3.30.2011
Heal the world
I have always tried to make an effort to lessen my carbon footprint. When recycling first became the "right" thing to do I was in junior. And my team's name was E-3 (earth, ecology and environment). Immediately my mom became an avid recycler, and to this day I sometimes think she is better at it than me.
When I had my daughter I was even more aware of the waste and contamination that exists. She was fed organic baby food, bathed in chemical-free wash and my cleaning products became all-natural. I even went out and bought some things to make sure I was disposing of less garbage. The Swiffer went bye-bye and was replaced with a floor mop that could be thrown in the wash. My husband and I started a small garden so that the food we fed her that following summer would have less amounts of pesticides. It wasn't perfect though. I wish I could have done more. Time wasn't on my side and my stress level increased by working full-time and being pushed into a promotion.
Then, two years later I gave birth to my son. This was when my life really changed. Don't get me wrong, the birth of your first child definitely changes you. The birth of my second opened my third eye a little bit more. During my maternity leave I turned my entire family into a vegan eating machine. My son was breastfed and ever since he started solids he hasn't eaten meat and the dairy is very limited. He has only been sick once with a cold and his growth rate is perfect--50th percentile. Unlike my daughter, who had Fifth's disease, flu, colds, colds and more colds, allergies, coughs--you name it. Although my daughter had eaten meat and plenty of dairy before all of this (which sometimes I beat myself up about), she has taken to the change phenomenally. She still likes to eat meatballs at her grandma's, but I will never restrict her to something like that.
But vegan food can be as beautiful and delicious as this Reuben from Chicago Diner. DE-LI-CIOUS!
We made this change for several reasons. Our health is one, a vegan diet is shown to reverse and prevent disease. Don't worry, we are doing this the right way. We eat enough protein, we get our B vitamins and calcium. I try to make the most whole meals that I can. Processed food isn't consumed on high levels at our home.
Another reason was the environment. It's astonishing what impact you have on the environment when you consume meat and dairy. The statistics are much more pleasing when you become vegan.
http://www.vegan.org/about_veganism/environment.html
http://michaelbluejay.com/
And lastly, my compassion for animals has been surprising. I never gave it much thought when I was biting into a burger or sawing off a piece of steak. Now it's something that is important to me. There is something special it has done for my spirituality. I feel more at peace with my place in the universe.
I wish everyone would try it. Curious? Here's a good resource: http://pcrm.org/kickstartHome/ It's not hard and we aren't crazy. I am so thankful that we made this change in our lives. It has helped me see a lot of things differently. I still eat as much organic food that I can. In fact our garden this year will be 100% organic. I have been traveling to flea markets and thrift shops to reuse (and save a buck). We bought a rain barrel to start conserving water. I'm still looking for more ideas...please share them with me!
It's amazing to see such a beautiful woman who is living the Hollywood life care so much. Pregnant and vegan!
Sharing from Vogue.com
When I had my daughter I was even more aware of the waste and contamination that exists. She was fed organic baby food, bathed in chemical-free wash and my cleaning products became all-natural. I even went out and bought some things to make sure I was disposing of less garbage. The Swiffer went bye-bye and was replaced with a floor mop that could be thrown in the wash. My husband and I started a small garden so that the food we fed her that following summer would have less amounts of pesticides. It wasn't perfect though. I wish I could have done more. Time wasn't on my side and my stress level increased by working full-time and being pushed into a promotion.
Then, two years later I gave birth to my son. This was when my life really changed. Don't get me wrong, the birth of your first child definitely changes you. The birth of my second opened my third eye a little bit more. During my maternity leave I turned my entire family into a vegan eating machine. My son was breastfed and ever since he started solids he hasn't eaten meat and the dairy is very limited. He has only been sick once with a cold and his growth rate is perfect--50th percentile. Unlike my daughter, who had Fifth's disease, flu, colds, colds and more colds, allergies, coughs--you name it. Although my daughter had eaten meat and plenty of dairy before all of this (which sometimes I beat myself up about), she has taken to the change phenomenally. She still likes to eat meatballs at her grandma's, but I will never restrict her to something like that.
But vegan food can be as beautiful and delicious as this Reuben from Chicago Diner. DE-LI-CIOUS!
We made this change for several reasons. Our health is one, a vegan diet is shown to reverse and prevent disease. Don't worry, we are doing this the right way. We eat enough protein, we get our B vitamins and calcium. I try to make the most whole meals that I can. Processed food isn't consumed on high levels at our home.
Another reason was the environment. It's astonishing what impact you have on the environment when you consume meat and dairy. The statistics are much more pleasing when you become vegan.
http://www.vegan.org/about_veganism/environment.html
http://michaelbluejay.com/
And lastly, my compassion for animals has been surprising. I never gave it much thought when I was biting into a burger or sawing off a piece of steak. Now it's something that is important to me. There is something special it has done for my spirituality. I feel more at peace with my place in the universe.
I wish everyone would try it. Curious? Here's a good resource: http://pcrm.org/kickstartHome/ It's not hard and we aren't crazy. I am so thankful that we made this change in our lives. It has helped me see a lot of things differently. I still eat as much organic food that I can. In fact our garden this year will be 100% organic. I have been traveling to flea markets and thrift shops to reuse (and save a buck). We bought a rain barrel to start conserving water. I'm still looking for more ideas...please share them with me!
It's amazing to see such a beautiful woman who is living the Hollywood life care so much. Pregnant and vegan!
Sharing from Vogue.com
3.28.2011
Excuse me if I ramble
There's been a lot of time lately to think. The gratitude I have for this time is infinite. The one thing that I have studied within myself is what, specifically, has shaped my beliefs. I am more keen to this because now I am responsible for molding two little lives. What things will I show them, instill in them and teach them that will shape their core beliefs later in life?
It's a bit overwhelming to know that my influence will go that deep into someone else. It's even more frightening because they are my children. I don't want them to be scarred or resentful by something I did. The only thing I have ever wanted for my children is happiness, before I even had them. I have never "planned" what they should be when they grow up, what sports to play or which type of person I want them to spend their lives with. As long as happiness follows them along they way I will be content. I don't want to determine their destiny. I will not tell them what religion they need to be part of, who to hang out with at school or what to pursue later in life. Something I do or say may shape their beliefs though and this I cannot control. It may determine what god they believe in, who they select as friends and what path they take. This is something I have to accept.
"I am a part of all that I have met." Alfred Tennyson
It's true isn't it? I genuinely believe that everyone who has come into my life, whether they have been one of my soul mates or not, has helped shape me. Some have brought love, inspiration, help and kindness; while others have brought pain, sadness, resentment and anger. Often times most people bring the good and the bad. Every so often you meet someone that's a little different from the rest. These people give me ideas that I will carry forever, some mold how I will behave for the rest of my life and I used to associate this "borrowing" or "copying" with shame and guilt. It wasn't my idea or my thought, so it's not really mine. Now that I'm older I see that I am a sum of parts. Everyday, every person provides a learning opportunity.
I have met a fantastic, eccentric older woman through my husband. She lives how she wants to. She's fun and spontaneous, crazy and wise. She has one daughter who is eighteen and living a much different life than her mother. It's always exciting to know that children aren't always like their parents. This woman told me that her daughter was watching a TV talk show in which couples were on and the women were being abused by their spouses. She asked her mother if that would ever happen to her. The woman told her that it will only happen once but that her family would be there for her, without judgment, to help her out. I found this statement intriguing. Most people would say, "it will never happen to you," to give their daughter security and peace of mind. Instead she was providing her daughter with the horrible truth in the world. Women get abused. However, she also let her know that if it does ever happen that her family will get her out of the situation and she has a support net. This is an idea I will pass on to my daughter.
Did I steal her idea? Am I not discovering my own opinion when I take another's? I don't think so (anymore). I am molding my own beliefs, still as an adult. As a child, beliefs are also shaped but I can't remember triggers as to why I never believed what was being preached at church. It's not that the Bible stories weren't uplifting and teaching a lesson, but I just didn't believe that these events actually took place. I see them the same way as I do mythology. I don't know what triggered this but I do know that being dragged to church wasn't my cup of tea. I do believe in a "God" or supreme being that created the world and hope that there is something after we die. I like to imagine it's much like "What Dreams May Come" and that we create our own after life. The people we love and want to be around are there in whatever form we want them to be. However, I don't know so I must live this life.
I recently was struck by a conversation I had with a friend about the possibility of her husband cheating. She firmly said that she would leave him if he ever did so. I wondered why she was so cut and dry about this. Was it because she could never forgive him if he did so? Was it because it kept her in check and prevented her from cheating? Sometimes I think we create our beliefs to protect ourselves and limit our actions. Maybe she is insecure in her own desires. If she lets herself believe that she would leave him, then maybe she knows she should never cheat because he would leave her. I don't necessarily feel as though I'm judging her, but I'm curious as to what triggered her to form that belief. I have never cheated on anyone. In fact, I was dating someone in high school and was at a party where I wanted to. So instead of cheating I broke up with my boyfriend so I could do what I wanted to do. Which would have hurt him more? I don't know, but I think I made the right decision. This was also a very juvenile, desire geared decision. When it comes to my marriage I have an unconditional love for my husband and deep inside I know that if he were ever to cheat on me, I would probably forgive him. Do I tell him these things? Of course not. Although he would probably like to know how unconditional my love is for him. My belief is that all humans are capable of missteps and we are all capable of forgiveness if we let ourselves. I guess that I just don't ever know how I would react to everything. You could turn this around like I did with my friend and say, "maybe she feels that way because she is leaving the door open for her mistakes." This may be true but I honestly feel like, and believe, that to err is human and that should be accepted.
Nonetheless, I am intrigued by all the different experiences, people and other things that mold us and our beliefs. It fascinates me. I think if you could draw out a map of what happened, who influenced and what belief was formed from that it would be quite awesome. I often times would like to know what happened earlier in my life to shape the way I see things now; and bask in the enjoyment I get from recognizing what will shape my believes going forward.
It's a bit overwhelming to know that my influence will go that deep into someone else. It's even more frightening because they are my children. I don't want them to be scarred or resentful by something I did. The only thing I have ever wanted for my children is happiness, before I even had them. I have never "planned" what they should be when they grow up, what sports to play or which type of person I want them to spend their lives with. As long as happiness follows them along they way I will be content. I don't want to determine their destiny. I will not tell them what religion they need to be part of, who to hang out with at school or what to pursue later in life. Something I do or say may shape their beliefs though and this I cannot control. It may determine what god they believe in, who they select as friends and what path they take. This is something I have to accept.
"I am a part of all that I have met." Alfred Tennyson
It's true isn't it? I genuinely believe that everyone who has come into my life, whether they have been one of my soul mates or not, has helped shape me. Some have brought love, inspiration, help and kindness; while others have brought pain, sadness, resentment and anger. Often times most people bring the good and the bad. Every so often you meet someone that's a little different from the rest. These people give me ideas that I will carry forever, some mold how I will behave for the rest of my life and I used to associate this "borrowing" or "copying" with shame and guilt. It wasn't my idea or my thought, so it's not really mine. Now that I'm older I see that I am a sum of parts. Everyday, every person provides a learning opportunity.
I have met a fantastic, eccentric older woman through my husband. She lives how she wants to. She's fun and spontaneous, crazy and wise. She has one daughter who is eighteen and living a much different life than her mother. It's always exciting to know that children aren't always like their parents. This woman told me that her daughter was watching a TV talk show in which couples were on and the women were being abused by their spouses. She asked her mother if that would ever happen to her. The woman told her that it will only happen once but that her family would be there for her, without judgment, to help her out. I found this statement intriguing. Most people would say, "it will never happen to you," to give their daughter security and peace of mind. Instead she was providing her daughter with the horrible truth in the world. Women get abused. However, she also let her know that if it does ever happen that her family will get her out of the situation and she has a support net. This is an idea I will pass on to my daughter.
Did I steal her idea? Am I not discovering my own opinion when I take another's? I don't think so (anymore). I am molding my own beliefs, still as an adult. As a child, beliefs are also shaped but I can't remember triggers as to why I never believed what was being preached at church. It's not that the Bible stories weren't uplifting and teaching a lesson, but I just didn't believe that these events actually took place. I see them the same way as I do mythology. I don't know what triggered this but I do know that being dragged to church wasn't my cup of tea. I do believe in a "God" or supreme being that created the world and hope that there is something after we die. I like to imagine it's much like "What Dreams May Come" and that we create our own after life. The people we love and want to be around are there in whatever form we want them to be. However, I don't know so I must live this life.
I recently was struck by a conversation I had with a friend about the possibility of her husband cheating. She firmly said that she would leave him if he ever did so. I wondered why she was so cut and dry about this. Was it because she could never forgive him if he did so? Was it because it kept her in check and prevented her from cheating? Sometimes I think we create our beliefs to protect ourselves and limit our actions. Maybe she is insecure in her own desires. If she lets herself believe that she would leave him, then maybe she knows she should never cheat because he would leave her. I don't necessarily feel as though I'm judging her, but I'm curious as to what triggered her to form that belief. I have never cheated on anyone. In fact, I was dating someone in high school and was at a party where I wanted to. So instead of cheating I broke up with my boyfriend so I could do what I wanted to do. Which would have hurt him more? I don't know, but I think I made the right decision. This was also a very juvenile, desire geared decision. When it comes to my marriage I have an unconditional love for my husband and deep inside I know that if he were ever to cheat on me, I would probably forgive him. Do I tell him these things? Of course not. Although he would probably like to know how unconditional my love is for him. My belief is that all humans are capable of missteps and we are all capable of forgiveness if we let ourselves. I guess that I just don't ever know how I would react to everything. You could turn this around like I did with my friend and say, "maybe she feels that way because she is leaving the door open for her mistakes." This may be true but I honestly feel like, and believe, that to err is human and that should be accepted.
Nonetheless, I am intrigued by all the different experiences, people and other things that mold us and our beliefs. It fascinates me. I think if you could draw out a map of what happened, who influenced and what belief was formed from that it would be quite awesome. I often times would like to know what happened earlier in my life to shape the way I see things now; and bask in the enjoyment I get from recognizing what will shape my believes going forward.
The Unexpected
The unexpected can be quite sexy. In fact just thinking about the possibilities of it can get me..........well, nevermind. I don't know that I'm wild or succulent enough for that yet. However, I've started to notice the kind of feelings that the unexpected brings me, both emotionally and physiologically. And the other day, when something unexpected happened, I found it's sexy.
I work for my mom a couple days a week in her home daycare. (No, this is not sexy). Both of my children are with me when I go so it's a nice way to spend a couple of days. On a side note, last week both my dad and husband were on spring break because they are teachers. My husband works a summer/spring break job so that's where he was most days during his spring break. Anyway, I was sitting at my mom's with the kids in the late afternoon and the door opened. I expected that it was a daycare parent, but it was my husband instead. There was something very sexy about him walking through the door...because it was unexpected. The feelings I got weren't something I experience on a daily basis when he comes home from work. His entire demeanor seemed different to me too. It was as though it was my man, but also a different man. Quite sexy.
Finding the unexpected in all aspects of life is what can really keep me grounded sometimes. My unexpected comes from an email that I wasn't anticipating. Yes, I usually know when someone is going to send me an email because it's a response to something I have sent. Yet when I receive one that was not expected it's sexy. Accidents are part of this too. Have you ever been in public and you feel a hand or elbow graze you? You expect that it's your significant other, if they are with you, but then find out is was a stranger. And I'm not talking about the stereotypical bar setting where men take it upon themselves to "accidentally" touch your ass. This is an innocent accident, but still sexy.
I guess all of life is really unexpected. We never truly know what and when something will happen. Being able to find the turn-on that small, unexpected things can give you is what makes it a little more thrilling. Often times we get stuck in a routine, the grind or expected things in life. Doing this makes life seem dull or meaningless. Opening up to the way life and it's surprises make you feel will bring color to the dull and significance to the meaningless. I am going to continue to get turned on. I am going to be someone's unexpected.
I work for my mom a couple days a week in her home daycare. (No, this is not sexy). Both of my children are with me when I go so it's a nice way to spend a couple of days. On a side note, last week both my dad and husband were on spring break because they are teachers. My husband works a summer/spring break job so that's where he was most days during his spring break. Anyway, I was sitting at my mom's with the kids in the late afternoon and the door opened. I expected that it was a daycare parent, but it was my husband instead. There was something very sexy about him walking through the door...because it was unexpected. The feelings I got weren't something I experience on a daily basis when he comes home from work. His entire demeanor seemed different to me too. It was as though it was my man, but also a different man. Quite sexy.
Finding the unexpected in all aspects of life is what can really keep me grounded sometimes. My unexpected comes from an email that I wasn't anticipating. Yes, I usually know when someone is going to send me an email because it's a response to something I have sent. Yet when I receive one that was not expected it's sexy. Accidents are part of this too. Have you ever been in public and you feel a hand or elbow graze you? You expect that it's your significant other, if they are with you, but then find out is was a stranger. And I'm not talking about the stereotypical bar setting where men take it upon themselves to "accidentally" touch your ass. This is an innocent accident, but still sexy.
I guess all of life is really unexpected. We never truly know what and when something will happen. Being able to find the turn-on that small, unexpected things can give you is what makes it a little more thrilling. Often times we get stuck in a routine, the grind or expected things in life. Doing this makes life seem dull or meaningless. Opening up to the way life and it's surprises make you feel will bring color to the dull and significance to the meaningless. I am going to continue to get turned on. I am going to be someone's unexpected.
3.26.2011
Bum Knees
I recently was inspired, by both a friend and myself, to start running again. In high school I ran cross country and loved it. Although my teammates may have dismissed me for the party girl who doesn't care that much, I reached an ethereal place when I ran. It was my sanctuary. It was a high.
Two weeks ago I signed up to get on a 5k program because I knew I needed to ease into it. It consists of warming up, dynamic stretching, walking and then running 60 seconds, walking 90 (for about 8 intervals), then walking and stretching by holding stretches for 30 seconds. This seems easy, and it was. Not only was this a wonderful, natural progression, but I was again on my runner's high. Well, my knees also got high and then really, really low. That's right, I have Runner's Knee. In both knees. Yuck!
I can't quite explain how painful it is. I actually imagine that mothers who endure the pain of c-sections to be in as much pain as I as was going up and down the stairs. The stairs are brutal. I've been icing and I reluctantly took Motrin today to ease the pain. Not only is it painful to walk around with my 25 pound child but it's painful to not run. I'm truly heartbroken by it. To make the heart break worse, my husband also started this program with me and is suffering no pain at all. I'm angry at him. He didn't even care if he started running or not. In fact, I pushed him to join me. I'm jealous. He gets to take MY idea and relish in the feeling the that I craved so badly and now have to miss out on. The bitterness is taking hold of me right now and I need to find a way out.
I'm trying to keep a positive mindset and convince myself that my upper leg muscles will get stronger after my new exercises and I will run again. This is hard though. It's also hard to explain to him what running does for me. I've tried to achieve this feeling through yoga, pilates and other exercise programs but it just isn't there. Running is for me. I need it. I want it. With this desire comes strength and hopefully my knees will be understanding.
Two weeks ago I signed up to get on a 5k program because I knew I needed to ease into it. It consists of warming up, dynamic stretching, walking and then running 60 seconds, walking 90 (for about 8 intervals), then walking and stretching by holding stretches for 30 seconds. This seems easy, and it was. Not only was this a wonderful, natural progression, but I was again on my runner's high. Well, my knees also got high and then really, really low. That's right, I have Runner's Knee. In both knees. Yuck!
I can't quite explain how painful it is. I actually imagine that mothers who endure the pain of c-sections to be in as much pain as I as was going up and down the stairs. The stairs are brutal. I've been icing and I reluctantly took Motrin today to ease the pain. Not only is it painful to walk around with my 25 pound child but it's painful to not run. I'm truly heartbroken by it. To make the heart break worse, my husband also started this program with me and is suffering no pain at all. I'm angry at him. He didn't even care if he started running or not. In fact, I pushed him to join me. I'm jealous. He gets to take MY idea and relish in the feeling the that I craved so badly and now have to miss out on. The bitterness is taking hold of me right now and I need to find a way out.
I'm trying to keep a positive mindset and convince myself that my upper leg muscles will get stronger after my new exercises and I will run again. This is hard though. It's also hard to explain to him what running does for me. I've tried to achieve this feeling through yoga, pilates and other exercise programs but it just isn't there. Running is for me. I need it. I want it. With this desire comes strength and hopefully my knees will be understanding.
3.24.2011
A New Adventure
I don't do anything because I HAVE to, I do it because I WANT to. Recently the spirit of giving has taken me over. I love helping others: my children, my husband, friends and other moms.
These past couple weeks my focus has been on creating a mom co-op. I have been pleasantly surprised with the positive response that has been received. Maybe it is because everyone, at the core, has an intuition to help and create a community around themselves. My ideas for it started big, at least in my opinion. I started a website for the moms to meet and sign up as members. Through the membership we can connect; share events, ideas, stories and problems; reach out for help and respond to it. The possibilities are truly endless.
The starting group had a small but inspiring meeting. We found that we all had something in common and something to share. Some moms lived in a close proximity while others lived further away, some kids had allergies and others had potty training, sleep or eating issues. Some moms worked full-time, others were recently laid off and some were stay-at-home moms. This is what I was hoping for, that every mom felt like they had a place in the co-op.
The wish for this is that it only gets bigger. Whether or not the members grow isn't essential (but very welcome). What is important to me is that the gears of the co-op keep turning and are wheeled into something great.
These past couple weeks my focus has been on creating a mom co-op. I have been pleasantly surprised with the positive response that has been received. Maybe it is because everyone, at the core, has an intuition to help and create a community around themselves. My ideas for it started big, at least in my opinion. I started a website for the moms to meet and sign up as members. Through the membership we can connect; share events, ideas, stories and problems; reach out for help and respond to it. The possibilities are truly endless.
The starting group had a small but inspiring meeting. We found that we all had something in common and something to share. Some moms lived in a close proximity while others lived further away, some kids had allergies and others had potty training, sleep or eating issues. Some moms worked full-time, others were recently laid off and some were stay-at-home moms. This is what I was hoping for, that every mom felt like they had a place in the co-op.
The wish for this is that it only gets bigger. Whether or not the members grow isn't essential (but very welcome). What is important to me is that the gears of the co-op keep turning and are wheeled into something great.
3.08.2011
Dating me!
The other day I was very fortunate to have some family members take care of my two kids while I went to a flea market. My husband had to study so it was just me. It made admission cheaper and also let me spend some time with just myself. It was to go get my hair cut or grocery shop, but doing something I really enjoy. Besides, going to a flea market with everyone is too much work. I like to really spend time looking at antique jewelry and try to scope out something really cool. This time I was on a mission for somethings for my garden. I'm going to need some containers for herbs, jalapenos and some tomatoes. And here's what I found for $16!...
This bowl was only $1!
Cute planter-will need to prop up for drainage.
A couple of plant stands that will be more stunning once painted.
And outside of just going to a flea market by myself, I have started to realize that I really like me. Over the past couple of months it has been so fun getting to know who I am all over again. I was telling my husband that I feel like I'm 18 again, in the sense that I feel like there are so many possibilities in front of me and I have the opportunity to explore them now.
3.03.2011
Inside, Outside, Up Side Down
One of the most learning moments in my life was when I honestly looked at my faults. Everyone has them and to not look at them and analyze we aren't doing ourselves any favors. In fact, to not honestly evaluate them is even more damaging.
When it finally dawned on me to understand my faults and to learn from them, it opened doors. I felt relieved to accept change that was needed. I feel I am now a better friend, wife, mother, daughter--you name it.
Over-analytical, self-absorbed, judgmental, temperamental. These are a few and by far the worst.
I over analyze just about everything. It didn't get me far in English class as far as reading short stories. I saw irony where it didn't exist and thought allegories contained ten times more the symbolism than it did. I also take things much too personally. If I send an email I worry why I'm not getting a response, if a text message isn't answered I think they don't want to talk. Now it's understanding that I need to trust those who love me and be present so that I know who those people are. This fault is still more present than the others. I'm working on it, and do realize I will always have something to improve upon. It's human and what makes us beautiful.
Everyone is self-absorbed, no? Okay, so maybe this isn't so bad. However, I began understanding a while ago that I have the tools to help others and therefore, I should start. It's time to start donating more than I already do--both time and goods. I also think that once I had kids it weakened but then you start to think to yourself what a wonderful mom you are (ofcourse after you have told yourself how lousy you are). Everyone, for the most part, think they are living the right way. I sometimes have to remind myself that this life is right for me. This blog is somewhat self-absorbed...on to the next one!
Judging others is nasty. Yet, I've done it, I do it and am making a very concerted effort to lessen and even stop it. "It is up to us not to judge what result an action deserves but to observe closely how the cause-and-effect universe works, then to model our behavior accordingly."-Deepak Chopra
I can't think of anything more hurtful than to judge others. It sucks when I'm being judged. Now it is the time to surround myself with those who are not toxic in this sense.
Ahhh, my temper. It can be detrimental. In the past, I would snap pretty easily. And who do I cast it on? Those closest to me. I have, however, apologized when it's needed. I think my husband would be proud to say that this has been something I have turned around quite well over the past few years. But, like I said, I still have work to do and that's okay.
When it finally dawned on me to understand my faults and to learn from them, it opened doors. I felt relieved to accept change that was needed. I feel I am now a better friend, wife, mother, daughter--you name it.
Over-analytical, self-absorbed, judgmental, temperamental. These are a few and by far the worst.
I over analyze just about everything. It didn't get me far in English class as far as reading short stories. I saw irony where it didn't exist and thought allegories contained ten times more the symbolism than it did. I also take things much too personally. If I send an email I worry why I'm not getting a response, if a text message isn't answered I think they don't want to talk. Now it's understanding that I need to trust those who love me and be present so that I know who those people are. This fault is still more present than the others. I'm working on it, and do realize I will always have something to improve upon. It's human and what makes us beautiful.
Everyone is self-absorbed, no? Okay, so maybe this isn't so bad. However, I began understanding a while ago that I have the tools to help others and therefore, I should start. It's time to start donating more than I already do--both time and goods. I also think that once I had kids it weakened but then you start to think to yourself what a wonderful mom you are (ofcourse after you have told yourself how lousy you are). Everyone, for the most part, think they are living the right way. I sometimes have to remind myself that this life is right for me. This blog is somewhat self-absorbed...on to the next one!
Judging others is nasty. Yet, I've done it, I do it and am making a very concerted effort to lessen and even stop it. "It is up to us not to judge what result an action deserves but to observe closely how the cause-and-effect universe works, then to model our behavior accordingly."-Deepak Chopra
I can't think of anything more hurtful than to judge others. It sucks when I'm being judged. Now it is the time to surround myself with those who are not toxic in this sense.
Ahhh, my temper. It can be detrimental. In the past, I would snap pretty easily. And who do I cast it on? Those closest to me. I have, however, apologized when it's needed. I think my husband would be proud to say that this has been something I have turned around quite well over the past few years. But, like I said, I still have work to do and that's okay.
3.02.2011
Mama Co-op
There's an idea that I have been pondering for a while now. It's a mom co-op. The idea originated when I was still working full-time and trying to come up with a way that I could stay at home but somehow afford it. I thought about doing daycare but that would limit my freedom. Then it hit me that maybe if I ever did get to stay at home with my children that I could help a mom with daycare a couple times a week then she could help me.
Being a mom to me isn't solely about what I can do for my children. Sharing with others is one of the most important concepts to me. I truly want to share as much as I can. Whether it be used clothes, recipes, veggies from my garden and other things that aren't always as well accepted-advice, wisdom, and a open mind and ears.
Back to the co-op though. Swapping baby sitting is a good idea. Even if it's to occupy your kids while you need to go get a haircut, or better yet, a massage. Time to yourself is not only needed but warranted and often times hard to come by. Other areas of interest for my co-op are sharing outgrown clothes (both for kids a mama), borrowing toys (you can borrow our bin of music instruments and I'll borrow your puzzles for a week--because kids get bored of their toys), meals to be passed around (and no, not all week. I like to cook but to have one night a week when another person made meals in mass for other moms-hallelujah!). These are just some starter things. If a wine club or a book club came out of it, I definitely wouldn't complain!
My hesitation in actually reaching out to other moms and making this happen is rejection. Isn't that why most people fail to be successful? Rejection sucks but in most of the lessons I have learned, rejections was present. I will do this. It may take time but all great things do.
Being a mom to me isn't solely about what I can do for my children. Sharing with others is one of the most important concepts to me. I truly want to share as much as I can. Whether it be used clothes, recipes, veggies from my garden and other things that aren't always as well accepted-advice, wisdom, and a open mind and ears.
Back to the co-op though. Swapping baby sitting is a good idea. Even if it's to occupy your kids while you need to go get a haircut, or better yet, a massage. Time to yourself is not only needed but warranted and often times hard to come by. Other areas of interest for my co-op are sharing outgrown clothes (both for kids a mama), borrowing toys (you can borrow our bin of music instruments and I'll borrow your puzzles for a week--because kids get bored of their toys), meals to be passed around (and no, not all week. I like to cook but to have one night a week when another person made meals in mass for other moms-hallelujah!). These are just some starter things. If a wine club or a book club came out of it, I definitely wouldn't complain!
My hesitation in actually reaching out to other moms and making this happen is rejection. Isn't that why most people fail to be successful? Rejection sucks but in most of the lessons I have learned, rejections was present. I will do this. It may take time but all great things do.
3.01.2011
So many things...
I have decided that even if not one single person views this blog, I'm okay with that. On Facebook you hope that your post will receive comments, or that people will think the picture you added of your children is just as cute as you. However, with blogging I am here to journal my life. I feel so wonderful about what's ahead of me and even if someone comes across this blog maybe I will have posted something that is a reflection of them or an idea they had.
Right now I feel like I have so many things on my mind that I don't even know where to start.
Right now I feel like I have so many things on my mind that I don't even know where to start.
- My gardening project is fast approaching. The grow lights are on their way and seeds will be planted this weekend hopefully.
- Although our whole life is a spiritual journey, I feel like now more than ever I am understanding mine. I am here for a reason and if I want something I will have to put it forth. I also am finding that my words can be just as big as my thoughts. Gossip is garbage and feeds lonely hearts. When I would gossip it was because there was a void of some sort. Even though my happiness was in tact and my family life was beautiful there was something missing. And I think I'm beginning to find it.
- Nutrition and food is my calling (besides mothering my children and trying to be the wife my husband needs). After becoming vegan I started to pay attention. To organic, non-processed food, the corruption that exist in the food industry. And now that I'm unemployed I get to explore my options. Go back to school, finally get my bachelor's.
- Friendship. What is it? Who should be mine? Why are they important to me? I have deeply began looking at who I surround myself with and why and it's really opened my eyes.
2.28.2011
Hello World!
Two months ago I was laid off from my job. Which, quite honestly, was one of the best days of my life. I am now able to stay at home with my kids and really explore what it is I want to do in this world. There has been a lot of searching: soul, food, gardening, kids activities, jobs, education, spiritual. I also think that turning 30 has been pretty monumental for me. Given that this is my first Saturn return (which is suppose to occur every 28-30 years) I think that this new sense of exploration is part in partial.
After giving birth to my son, fourteen months ago, my family became vegan. This too has prompted me to become more aware of my environment, health and spirit. This means we don't eat animals or any product thereof. I absolutely love cooking and the new recipes we have tried are pretty awesome. We started a garden last year. And forget what everyone says about over ambitious, first time gardeners-we rocked it! This year I'm going even further and starting indoors. My grow lights are on their way, seeds are here and I can't wait. This year we are going organic and also planting all heirloom varieties. I'm hoping to share many plants with friends and neighbors.
My other obstacle that I'm digging through is true and loving effort to be more non-judgmental, and conscious of my actions. Now that I'm not working at the typical cubical environment, my life is gossip and toxic free. It is truly one of the most liberating things. When you are surrounded by the nonsense it can really start to stress you out. Shoot, I had to go to physical therapy because the stress was weighing on my shoulders and I couldn't get out of bed one morning. Granted there is the philosophy that peace can be achieved even amongst the loud, negative environment that you are in. I think I felt that peace once I would go home and now I get to feel it all the time.
After giving birth to my son, fourteen months ago, my family became vegan. This too has prompted me to become more aware of my environment, health and spirit. This means we don't eat animals or any product thereof. I absolutely love cooking and the new recipes we have tried are pretty awesome. We started a garden last year. And forget what everyone says about over ambitious, first time gardeners-we rocked it! This year I'm going even further and starting indoors. My grow lights are on their way, seeds are here and I can't wait. This year we are going organic and also planting all heirloom varieties. I'm hoping to share many plants with friends and neighbors.
My other obstacle that I'm digging through is true and loving effort to be more non-judgmental, and conscious of my actions. Now that I'm not working at the typical cubical environment, my life is gossip and toxic free. It is truly one of the most liberating things. When you are surrounded by the nonsense it can really start to stress you out. Shoot, I had to go to physical therapy because the stress was weighing on my shoulders and I couldn't get out of bed one morning. Granted there is the philosophy that peace can be achieved even amongst the loud, negative environment that you are in. I think I felt that peace once I would go home and now I get to feel it all the time.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)