Favorite Christmasey Day

I may simply have the best mom in the world. I know, I know. Many people think their mom is the best, but I'm sure that mine is better. Let me give you a little background. My mom is from a very, very small town where everyone knew everyone. To this day it is still very small. She has quite a few really good memories about her childhood which amazes me because she also has a very sad one. Yes she grew up running through corn fields, helping her grandmother in the kitchen, ate string beans from the garden and probably had one of the greatest grandfathers there ever was. When she was in the fourth grade, however, she tragically lost her mother in a car accident. Her sister was a few years younger and her brother was in kindergarten. She fortunately carries some memories of her mother with her, but not many. I can never imagine what growing up without a mother would feel like. It makes my heart feel empty to even ponder it.

Luckily, I have her and she has somehow managed to be an extraordinary mother. She has taught me so much and even when I have a stupid question on how to do something, she has the answer. My way of mothering is slightly different than hers and she tells me often what a good mother I am, but I feel pretty lazy compared to her. This woman cooks and bakes ALL. THE. TIME. She's damn good at it too. I just never understand how she has the energy to do it all. There are days I can't even stomach the thought of making dinner, and don't. She may do this twice a month.

What all of this leads me to is my favorite day leading up to Christmas...our cookie day. This lady has the energy and motivation to make ten different kinds of cookies for us to later pass out to friends and family. My children and I spent the entire day there yesterday baking. Not only do we make a shit ton of cookies, but they are DAMN GOOD. No, no, no! Don't even think about saying yours are better, because they aren't. My mom is the best and so are her cookies.

I'm so thankful that she has us all in her kitchen wearing aprons, mixing dough, eating her egg salad, watching Home Alone and later eating cookies, dinner and cookies. She amazes me. This evening I started feeling all sentimental about it and left her a little post on Facebook. I wish I put it into words more often how much I truly appreciate her.

I can never throw away a picture...

Since we have decided to home school, I have wanted to make sure that our arts & crafts projects are focused on reusing items that we already have and letting them be artistic at any time. My mom has an in-home daycare and I see the copious amounts of construction paper, glue and beads she goes through. It not only costs a lot of money, but I think craft projects (that small children make) often get pitched.  I have tried my best to let the cute ones linger around the house as long as possible; but if I kept them all we would be hoarders. Besides my daughter's desire to always be crafting, both she and my oldest son are coloring ALL THE TIME. I don't think I will ever tell them that they have used too much paper and can no longer color.

One lesson I hope they learn from my leniency is that happiness is only achieved when you are doing the things you WANT to do. Maybe they will be a graphic designer or cartoonist or painter...or have an occupation that hasn't even been defined yet.  My hope for them is that later in life they seek out whatever sort of career or path that makes them want to wake up everyday and live their best life. This video pretty much sums up my feelings on this:

Another lesson I hope they learn is to be thrifty. I don't win first place in this, but I definitely put my best foot forward. I try to buy used items when possible, use cloth diapers, reuse my children's worn clothes, have a very large garden in our backyard, can our food and try to make homemade meals as much as possible; but I feel there's a lot of work that can be done. My children observe and participate in many of these activities. When it comes to their projects we use many toilet paper rolls and cardboard. Our latest creation is a book we made to store all of our Christmas cards. We used leftover scrapbook paper from our Advent Chain, stamps, some leftover ribbon, cardboard from one of the many boxes in our basement and a leftover Christmas card of our own. It was easy too! We just punched holes in the cards and cardboard and glued a collage of our card and scrapbook paper to the front. The kids also colored the back cover in a winter theme. They love looking through it. I actually have two years worth of cards in there since I never threw away last years. :)

Attitude of Gratitude

When seasons change so does my overall attitude. When Spring arrives there is a sense of renewal and a chance to start over. Sometimes there is a wave that comes over me to clean my entire house. Other times I just want to start something new, like a hobby. Both of these just SOME times happen. It's usually just a chance to change my attitude since winter makes me feel so blah. Today, however, I'm excited about winter! The weather team has reported that we shall receive our first big snow storm and I'm thrilled. This is what I love about winter. It's a strange blend of emotions though. I like to feel all warm and cozy in the house while the snow falls, I love the hope that my husband may get to stay home from work, I like to feel like my house is all stocked up with food and maybe I will bake something, and I love after the snow has fallen I feel a sudden urge to go fight the elements and drive to Target.

I NEED these elements of winter because it's especially hard for me to practice my daily gratitude in the winter months. Especially this very week of December. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love Christmas. I really do anticipate wrapping gifts, baking cookies with my mom and the kids, eating wonderful food, giving gifts and being with family. But those gifts. They cost money. Whether I have a cushion in our checking account or not, I get stressed about all the money I spent on Christmas. This week for some reason gives me crazy anxiety about how we are going to make it through the end of the year. Yet, we always do. In these moments of stress and trying to calculate what everything will cost, I tend to lose track of other things that are very important to me.

I used to have a gratitude journal, which is nice. If you write in it. This is one of the reasons I created my blog. So that I can journal without the journal. I do, however, make a point everyday to pay attention to what I'm thankful for. It is a gift every morning that I wake up to my husband and three children's faces. It is a miracle that I am a mother. Daily I remind myself of these two things. I've noticed that the last couple days I haven't paid attention to much else than my stress. So, here I am about to change my attitude into an attitude of gratitude.

Reminding myself today of what I'm thankful for in my life, that many others do not have. A home that not only provides shelter, but that I love. Food in my pantry to feed my family. Family and friends that care about my children, my husband and me. A husband who is devoted to making this life everything that I dream about. Children who have a love of life that is contagious. And although I know money does not mean happiness, I am thankful that there is some in the bank. Money should not control my attitude. The gratitude I feel in my life should.

Peace Starts at Home

I have been quite lazy about this little blog. Life just happens; and, every so often I would think to myself that I have a lot to write about. A lot to document. Since my last post...errr, a year ago, many things have taken place. The most significant is the birth of our third child. He was born at home and it was the most incredible experience of my life (something I will most definitely write about in another post). We have also decided to home school our children to try our best and home school our children. These two big life events have left me to reflect on what brought us here.

Since I was laid off, nearly two years ago, I would say that my perspective on various issues has dramatically changed. My family has always been the top priority, and now that I stay at home I have been given more freedom to make our journey just the way we want it. Can working moms do the same? Sure. However, when I worked full-time I always felt as though our family dynamic wasn't what I dreamed of. When my former employer let me go I was happy, but I never imagined how truly thankful I would be to him.

Thankful for not having a job? Absolutely! I was over worked, but I was getting paid $55k a year as an Operations Manager with nothing but an Associate's Degree. Sounds great, but it wasn't. After having our second child I longed to be at home. I realized how much I missed of my daughter growing up and couldn't quite stomach missing anymore. So, yes, the last couple years have been a struggle but my happiness is what keeps me moving forward.

Gratitude has been a MAJOR part of my journey over the last couple of years. When you no longer have a lot of money you start to see what really matters. Well, I do anyways. Since I've had more time to read, I have also become more aware of different ways of parenting. While researching home births I was smacked over the the head with the idea of "Peaceful Parenting." The idea that we don't use spankings, talk respectfully to our children and use an overall gentle manner towards them. I'll be honest, I've spanked my children (the first two and only a few times) and it wasn't that I did every time they did something "wrong." It was when they did something that really made me angry, like my son wacking his sister over the head and then biting her. How was violence going to end violence? I knew that in global matters violence wasn't the answer. So why was it in my home? With my children? I spent a lot of time thinking about this. How would they every LEARN respect if they weren't given it? How would they know not to hit each other if I spanked them? I talked to my husband about the changes I planned on making. He never has spanked, but his voice can be raised if highly irritated. Yet, he's the peacemaker and was very happy to hear my plan. So here it is:

• When I get so upset that my head feels like all the blood in my body is rushing to it, I close my eyes. YES, I literally close my eyes. It's kinda like out of sight, out of mind. If I can't see their little misbehaving face, then it's like it doesn't exist. 
• Then I breathe. Yes, just like I tell them to do when they are upset. Breathing is what gives us life. So a couple deep breathes reminds me that I am alive and so are they. BE HAPPY with that. 
• If I'm really, really upset I try really, really hard to walk away and take a quick "mommy timeout." Oh, yes, these work. And they have a big impact on the kids. You should see my five year old's face when I do this. It shows them that sometimes you just need a break. Whether it be to cry, to pout or stomp away with clenched fists. 
• Teamwork is huge. When my husband and I had our conversation about all of this we decided that if either of us is getting upset that we would nicely remind the other to speak kindly or relax. It works. Very well. It's our cue to just step back and not to make a mistake with our children or start an argument between ourselves.
• Okay, then there is always failure. No, I haven't spanked them again; but I have raised my voice in ways that I don't care for. When I do, I apologize and tell them how much they mean to me. I also tell them that I sometimes make mistakes so I hope they forgive me. They do. Half the time they don't even remember what I said in the first place. They need to understand that I'm not perfect because even though I think they are (most of the time) they will make mistakes too.

I'm so thankful that I stumbled upon new ways of treating my children, talking to them and parenting them. Especially with the recent events that our nation has faced. Our children are so impressionable, so delicate. Let's treat them more like we would treat a friend's child. It's funny that we are always on our best behavior in front of our friends and their children, but at home we all act a little different. I'm done with the shows. This is how I will treat my kids behind closed doors too. I can never take back what I say or do with them. The people they are fifty years from now will be molded by ALL of their experiences beforehand.

If you are interested in more literature on Peaceful Parenting check out some of the resources that inspired me:
ahaparenting.com
jennifermcgrail.com