Peace Starts at Home

I have been quite lazy about this little blog. Life just happens; and, every so often I would think to myself that I have a lot to write about. A lot to document. Since my last post...errr, a year ago, many things have taken place. The most significant is the birth of our third child. He was born at home and it was the most incredible experience of my life (something I will most definitely write about in another post). We have also decided to home school our children to try our best and home school our children. These two big life events have left me to reflect on what brought us here.

Since I was laid off, nearly two years ago, I would say that my perspective on various issues has dramatically changed. My family has always been the top priority, and now that I stay at home I have been given more freedom to make our journey just the way we want it. Can working moms do the same? Sure. However, when I worked full-time I always felt as though our family dynamic wasn't what I dreamed of. When my former employer let me go I was happy, but I never imagined how truly thankful I would be to him.

Thankful for not having a job? Absolutely! I was over worked, but I was getting paid $55k a year as an Operations Manager with nothing but an Associate's Degree. Sounds great, but it wasn't. After having our second child I longed to be at home. I realized how much I missed of my daughter growing up and couldn't quite stomach missing anymore. So, yes, the last couple years have been a struggle but my happiness is what keeps me moving forward.

Gratitude has been a MAJOR part of my journey over the last couple of years. When you no longer have a lot of money you start to see what really matters. Well, I do anyways. Since I've had more time to read, I have also become more aware of different ways of parenting. While researching home births I was smacked over the the head with the idea of "Peaceful Parenting." The idea that we don't use spankings, talk respectfully to our children and use an overall gentle manner towards them. I'll be honest, I've spanked my children (the first two and only a few times) and it wasn't that I did every time they did something "wrong." It was when they did something that really made me angry, like my son wacking his sister over the head and then biting her. How was violence going to end violence? I knew that in global matters violence wasn't the answer. So why was it in my home? With my children? I spent a lot of time thinking about this. How would they every LEARN respect if they weren't given it? How would they know not to hit each other if I spanked them? I talked to my husband about the changes I planned on making. He never has spanked, but his voice can be raised if highly irritated. Yet, he's the peacemaker and was very happy to hear my plan. So here it is:

• When I get so upset that my head feels like all the blood in my body is rushing to it, I close my eyes. YES, I literally close my eyes. It's kinda like out of sight, out of mind. If I can't see their little misbehaving face, then it's like it doesn't exist. 
• Then I breathe. Yes, just like I tell them to do when they are upset. Breathing is what gives us life. So a couple deep breathes reminds me that I am alive and so are they. BE HAPPY with that. 
• If I'm really, really upset I try really, really hard to walk away and take a quick "mommy timeout." Oh, yes, these work. And they have a big impact on the kids. You should see my five year old's face when I do this. It shows them that sometimes you just need a break. Whether it be to cry, to pout or stomp away with clenched fists. 
• Teamwork is huge. When my husband and I had our conversation about all of this we decided that if either of us is getting upset that we would nicely remind the other to speak kindly or relax. It works. Very well. It's our cue to just step back and not to make a mistake with our children or start an argument between ourselves.
• Okay, then there is always failure. No, I haven't spanked them again; but I have raised my voice in ways that I don't care for. When I do, I apologize and tell them how much they mean to me. I also tell them that I sometimes make mistakes so I hope they forgive me. They do. Half the time they don't even remember what I said in the first place. They need to understand that I'm not perfect because even though I think they are (most of the time) they will make mistakes too.

I'm so thankful that I stumbled upon new ways of treating my children, talking to them and parenting them. Especially with the recent events that our nation has faced. Our children are so impressionable, so delicate. Let's treat them more like we would treat a friend's child. It's funny that we are always on our best behavior in front of our friends and their children, but at home we all act a little different. I'm done with the shows. This is how I will treat my kids behind closed doors too. I can never take back what I say or do with them. The people they are fifty years from now will be molded by ALL of their experiences beforehand.

If you are interested in more literature on Peaceful Parenting check out some of the resources that inspired me:
ahaparenting.com
jennifermcgrail.com